Originally posted August 14th 2002: Titled: Marriage, The 1st Year Anniversary.
Okay, I have served my first year in what I assume to be a life long sentence. At least that’s what the warden says. My wife and I had our first Anniversary on the 11th of August and it went down like a cheap Filipino whore, really good, but something you want to forget.
You know my wife is really into this shit, and I just don’t understand why women think this kind of event is worth celebrating. It’s like if someone punched me in the dick and then threw a party in memory of it. In retrospect, I sometimes wonder if that would have been a better choice of events. Let’s see, a punch in the dick or marriage… that’s a tough one.
I had a lot of people ask me if I did anything special for her, as if Mr. Lonnie Bruhn is that insensitive. What, do you all think that I have no soul? I gave her a pearl necklace, which I thought was rather nice of me. I will admit the price was a hell of bargain; just the death of a few million of my buddies. Can I hear a HELL YEAH!. What I can hear is all of you now bitching, “You are such an insensitive fuck!” Hey, I sacrificed a lot for her! When I was finished, I was thirsty—That my friends, is the true sanctity of love.
All in all, we had a good day, and being married is not that bad but I can’t just come out and say that because I’m not one to just talk about my feelings, especially on the subject of love. I think if love were a person, it would be a woman and she’d be a comedian. But to tell you the truth, the material would walk a lot of crowds.
We’re divorced now. I’m not sure if it would walk crowds or not, but I can be sure of one thing, it walked one audience member… and you should see the comment card.