The Old Journal Entries: #5-Maybe you people are confused:

In The Old Content by Lonnie Bruhn

Originally Posted November 9th, 2002

You know I’m thinking people are not really grasping the idea that I have a dark show. I don’t know what they expect. When i announce to my audience, Do you want a dark show, that doesn’t mean I’m turning out the lights. I tell everyone, warn them as best I possibly can and yet people go through this thought process: “Well, it can’t be that bad.” Then they get pissed or upset when they see the show. Well fuck, it’s your own fault. Don’t come to my show then

This shit only happens with comedy too. When you go to the amusement park and hop on a ride that swings you around at sixty miles per hour and flips you up and down until you brain is mush, and you projectile vomit for the next twenty minutes. You blame yourself for getting on the ride. You understood what you were getting into. It’s the same GOD DANM THING! I happen to hate rides. So guess what? I never go on them and as a result, i never get sick, puke and shit my pants.

My mother-in-law, who I love, she has a pretty good sense of humor. She always comes to the show when I’m at Harvey ‘s and I always warn her, that my show is darker then the last time. And she always says, “It’s cool. I can’t wait to see the show.” This time she came and watched it and told my wife that she thought I was getting too dark. Well, I’m not changing my show because I have family there. This isn’t a request your favorite joke show. The crack head Carnie doesn’t make the ride mellow out because his grandmother wants to ride the Puke & Twirl.

Maybe you people are confused, I’m not changing my act!

I have a comedian friend who feels the need to tell me on an almost daily basis that I need to step back a little because I’m heading down the wrong path. He also says this dark show I do, is not professional and I will not be famous or make the money that most comedians make. This coming from a guy who is always canceling shows and not showing up for gig and making women lick his ass when they fuck him. Well Fuck him, I may be walking down the path less traveled but at least I’m professional. And I’m more successful with my career now then I ever was doing the cute fluffy shit that I once did. You just need to know how to market yourself. Don’t sell a can of beans if it’s really a can of corn. I hate that candy shit that all the comedians are putting out these day. Have a little life in your act for fuck sake. ” You know what bothers me?” ” Here’s something I noticed.” ” Don’t you just hate it when…” Yes! I hate it when you do that soulless fucking act.

Maybe you people are confused, I’m not changing my act!

The things I talk about on stage have very little to do with the audience. Meaning the material I choose, not the other way around. I’m not on stage to tell you what I think you want to hear either. I’m on stage to tell you what I want to say. I’m sharing my life with you, and if you have had similar things happen great, if you bond with what I’m saying, even better… but it isn’t about you when it comes to the material, and it will never be. If you want it to be about you. Spend the next thirteen years developing a show that revolves around you. But until then, get out of my ass!

A lady last night at the show came up to me and said she booed me when I said the word cunt. I told her, I never said the word cunt. Then she said, “Well, you said the word clit.”
Now, that’s not the word cunt, now is it, you dumb fucking cunt. And this cunt can’t even stand she’s so drunk. I’m surprised she even remembered that joke. But here’s my beef. The word clit, is a body part. Just because this chick has issues with that body part isn’t my problem. Just because her father burned her clit off with a rusty curling iron, has very little to do with me or the joke that I tell. But what does that dumb cunt know anyway, right?

I’m never going back to the old act I once had, it had no life! Never! I hated every ounce of myself for ever doing it, and it’s my life, my show, so get over it. If someone can’t tell the difference between my act, and who I really am, then I’m not the one with identity problem. So just to make myself perfectly clear on this:

I’m not changing my act!

LB