Apr 302013

Where in the hell do I begin.

I’ve been at this for a long ass time. I first stepped on a stage in 1989.  I have had lot of ups and downs over the last 23 years.  I have had my success and my failures and in the last two years, I’ve really found comfort on stage.  I’ve been labeled too many things to give a shit.  Bookers have been reluctant to book me but I have always had an amazing relationship with my audience. I have always had passion, love  and a special connection with both my fans and for those who are seeing me for the first time.

In my 23 years, I have had a few major milestones. The first was in 1991 when I became the youngest ever to win to the Portland Laugh Off at just 19. This put me on the road professorially.  The second was the 2007 recording of my first DVD, Cripple xXx. The third was after an eight year banning at my local Comedy Club, Harvey’s, I was able to return for a one night only special event performance.  The show sold  out and I gave a once-in-a-lifetime performance which earned me a standing ovation and rekindled relationship with the owner. I must have nine lives in this career because every time people think I’m down for the count, I get back up and show my critics, this was always the only thing I was meant to do.

On March 27th of this year, I recorded live at Star Theater in Portland, OR for my newest speciel, “Truth Hurts” and  it was another epic memory in my ever-evolving career.  It is a night  I will never forget, and now you will get a chance to see the official trailer.  For the first time in my 23 years, I finally had a camera crew capture the connection I so desperately strive to get with each show.

This year has been a fantastic year for me. I leave tomorrow morning for Wilmington North Carolina and the 2013 Cape Fear Comedy Festival. If you are in the area, join myself and 100’s of other extremely talented comedians and watch us do what we love to do.

See you on the other side and I hope you enjoy.




Mar 262013

I’m sure by now you already know that I will not be doing a podcast episode this week.  If you don’t know why, you haven’t been in the loop for the past 6 months.  It is weird to say this but tomorrow night I’ll be on the stage at Star Theater performing my new DVD, “Truth Hurts”.  It has been a  gauntlet week of comedy showcases, podcasts and live talk shows just to promote this truly magical experience I’m about to embark on.  I don’t want to blow this out of proportion.  I just know, for me, it is a benchmark play in my career. Maybe I’m not a famous comedian but I’m a lucky one.  I’m a comedy luck dragon. All stupid jokes aside, this will be an unforgettable night of comedy for me… and it is almost upon us.

Chris Smith, who is opening up for me tomorrow night and who has been headlining all week on his first west coast tour.  He has been outstanding in every performance.  Thank you for the love, support and friendship. I’m glad you could share this with me. You all will want Chris to be your uncle at your next Thanksgiving dinner. Crystal Kordowski, you are truly good from the inside out.  I have to say though; you are warped beyond repair. Who really would want to fix that? Not me.  She is hosting people and if you have never seen her.  She is queen mother of honesty, truth and justice. She will tickle your ass with her feather of broken thoughts. It is shaped like a finger and tastes like peanut butter and breast milk. Let Momma hold you until you feel better.

See you on the other side.


Feb 282013

I have decided that I want to write and star in my own show called Lonnie?’s life in a pool. Everything would take place in the pool and I would do normal everyday jobs that I can’t do when I’m not in a pool, like UPS driver or furniture delivery man. Now in return for this treat, please help support my kickstarter project and share it, I only have 11 more days to complete my goal.



Loading Lonnie

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Feb 252013

After a long journey (like being in the Amazing Race)  I have made it to my destination. We started in Portland and flew to Seattle,  Seattle to Tokyo, Tokyo to Bangkok and finally Bali.  There will be many updates to follow, but how about we first address the Loading Lonnie post I was tagged in by Rachel.IMG_0178

In Bankok they do not have a Jetway for most flights so instead you take a bus out to the tarmac and load into the plane via the staircase. This is an old fashion way of doing things for sure, unless you are me of course.

My Thainees assistant (I know that isn’t a word but it is now) loaded me into a wheelchair and rolled me out to a truck. The money they spent on this contraption must have been $280, 000 or in their currency $ 280, 000,000,000,00,00 or Infinity $$$.  Whichever comes sooner. My personal opinion is that is is a huge waste of their money. Anyway, I get loaded into this truck.  Now you must understand, I was the only one they needed to load.  I get put into what looks like from the inside, a Chinook helicopter. From their a crew drove me out to the aircraft and the truck hydraulically lifted the entire carriage to the door of the aircraft like one of those high lift catering trucks. I get delivered to the door only after the crew knocked first and waited patiently for Flight attendant to open up the aircraft. I then safely stepped aboard my flight and took my seat.
IMG_0181I could go into even more detail but sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words and you may be asking yourself, why in the hell would I ever travel half way around the world just go through all of this?  Like I said, my life is a wonderfully scripted comedy. So why did I do it? I did it for the stories, like one of those war corespondents traveling to Syria.  They risk their life for the story. Why should I live any differently.




March 27th 2013

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Dec 212012

I can’t think of a better time than the end of the world to make a major announcement for the New Year.  Some of you who follow my career may have noticed in this last year, I have been working hard to develop a new show. This isn’t anything particularly new for me; I am always trying to improve my style and write new material. 2013 is going to be different though because all this work is for a reason.  For the first time since 2007, I am going to be recording for a new CD/DVD and digital download package. The title of the DVD is still in development but I can assure you the rest of my vision is in place. I want to invite you all to make it out to the live recording which will be happening on Wed. March 27th at 8:00 PM at the Star Theater in Portland, OR. $10 in advance and $12 at the door. 

I wish you could be inside my head to know how important this night is to me.  We have been on a long journey together and this project is very personal. Hell, the material I have been working on for the DVD is personal. This isn’t a show to push the boundaries of shock either, so if you are expecting Cripple xXx 2.0, trust me when I say, it is nothing like it at all. It’s simply my life’s story. Going forward I can also say this will be my style of comedy for the foreseeable future. I’m a storyteller and I guess I’ve always been one.

It is also a huge honor to announce the other performers on the bill for the evening. Crystal Kordowski will be hosting the show and Chris Smith from Philadelphia will be my opening act. Not only are these two comedians amazing to watch, they are some of the closest friends I have.  The respect and admiration I have for them both goes way beyond anything I can say here.  Who they are on and off the stage, how they conduct themselves in life, and their long form storytelling style are just a few of the many reasons I chose them to be a part of this special night. Both are amazing parents, honest, and hold themselves to a standard of integrity few possess.  Thank you both for being a part of it all.

How I imagine the night of March 27th going, I replay in my head on a daily bases. I cannot wait to play it out for real on stage.  Put this in your calendar and help share the moment with me and as always, thank you all for your passionate support along the way.


Oct 232012

The week has finally arrived.  It wasn’t he last night’s debate I was talking about either. However, I did enjoy seeing two grown men try to act mature when you can tell how much they hate each other. No, I’m talking about this Sat night.  Please join me for one night of uncensored comedy and storytelling at Harvey’s comedy club.  Doors open at 4:00 PM and the show starts at 5:00PM.

Every show I do right now is a warm up to my DVD recording in 2013.  What better way to rehearse the material I want to showcase in my next DVD than to do it on an amazing stage alongside comedian Bahiyyih Mudd (her debut hosting performance at Harvey’s Comedy club) and Susan Jones.

What I would like you to know is Sat is the show I would like you to attend because I get a portion of the door on the first show of the evening.  There is no better way to start your Sat night of Halloween party after Halloween party than attending the first show of the night as your introduction to what I hope will be an entire evening of debauchery.

With that said, if you cannot attend this show there are plenty of chances to see me perform because I will be there all week long. Wednesday through Saturday   You’ll want to call and reserve your seat in advance, this show is expected to sell out because the entire night will be pact full of great comedy.

Harvey’s Comedy Club info: (503) 241-0338


Sep 152012

Tonight is the big night folks.  I will performing my headline set and in a way it is sort of a dress rehearsal for an upcoming event and recording of my next DVD which will be announced later this month.  This theater, its staff, the owner, and the lovely people of Ridgefield, WA are absolutely one of the reason why comedy became my love. This venue and its stage is one of the best places I’ve had luck to set foot into.  Todd Armstrong who puts this show on and one of my favorite comedians to work with has given me the opportunity and I must say, I’ve been looking forward to tonight’s show for a long time.   Thank you Todd, you’ve been good to me. 

What can you expect from me to tonight.  I will be opening with a bit of a surprise.  I will begin the night talking about something I have had to get comfortable with but comedy is always how I confront my fears, by shining the bright light of humor into the face of my fears and self-conscious vulnerabilities.  Tonight will be no different.  It will be one honest story after another and sharing my life with all of those who show up.

All the details are on the poster

See you on the other side:

Sep 062012

Every year there is big change when it comes to my style and my overall goals in comedy; after all, each year my life changes. So why in the hell should my act and opinions of life and comedy be any different?  Now when it comes to the business, in a future post, I’ll have a lot more to say on that subject, especially local scenes but for now let us just focus on me for a second.

This year I have a lot going on.  I’ll be returning to Harvey’s Comedy Club at the end of Oct as their one of two R rated comedian for the year.  Some may be thinking, who cares; you’ve already headlined a special event show every year since the ban was lifted.  Not true, my little cunnys.  I have only done two special event shows at Harvey’s since the lift because I wanted to keep it hugely successful and attendance high.  What makes this different, I am returning to headline the club for the entire week’s performances, something I have never done since the ban or even before.  I can assure you, it is something which will be, not only big, but needed:  A local comedian who will breathe a breath of fresh air of honesty into the club since, well, probably Doug Stanhope.  I’m replacing comedian John Fox, whose act died long before his real death plus, let’s face it, John wasn’t very good at being human.

In March of 2013 I will also be recording for the first new DVD/CD since the release of Cripple xXx in 2007. This will be an amazing event but I will need your help.  I am going to launch a Kickstarter Campaign in the beginning of 2013 to help fund the project.  This is where you come in.

I began thinking about how important you are in the big equation of my career and I’ll be honest here; you are the root to it all. With that in mind, a rebirth of my fan base in this phase of my career is more important than any other time in my 23 years of doing comedy.  I need your help, not just to help raise the money for the project but because the one thing I have realized is that you are the very reason why I have been so successful.   We have always had a very close connection, a bond from the stage I stand on to the seats you sit in to watch me perform.  You were the reason why I was able to return to so many clubs who feared booking me.  You are the reason I have kept the ball rolling despite the fact the comedy industry has been reluctant to get behind my type of act. I am not a comedian festivals beg to have in; I am not a comedian every mainstream club wants to headline, but yet I still perform, I still draw and still win major contests.  You are the factor which has helped in this.

I know now that I need to get back to the grass roots of what helped build my career.  I need to build my future success from the ground up.  I will never get praise from the mainstream industry.  I will only get it from the people who really enjoy my style of comedy, you.  The funny thing is if I can get enough of you to shout my name, the industry cannot ignore me.  So 2013 and beyond is all about you.  I need your feedback on what kickstarter incentives I should put into place as rewards for your donations and support.  Please voice your ideas and help create an intimate dialog between the two of us so I can give you things you really want and have you actually be a part of my next DVD project. Maybe you would want an exclusive and private email, or podcast episode made to you, a credit in the DVD package, a one of a kind signed poster or a chance to rant in a segment of From The Nook Podcast, a VIP seat at the live recording, a drink and dinner with me, a phone call to a loved one or an enemy, a private performance in your living room or just a simple acknowledgement that you were a factor in my life’s work.  The list is limitless but I need you to be involved voicing your ideas.  It starts by you commenting here or join me on Twitter or Facebook and let’s do this together.  I want to have a chance to tell all my critics they were wrong and you will be the secret weapon which allows it to happen