Posted November 19, 2002
Hey all, I’ve just finished my time in Clarkston and Walla Walla WA. And now it’s time to share with the rest of the class on how it went.
Let me begin with Clarkston. This was my second time back in the town of Clarkston and although driving there is drive through hours of nothing but a turdside view, the people are good for the most part. Not all of them mind you because some of them have the ignorance of a rat’s wet whole. See some people in this town have never been outside of their home to go to any real show or performance because they have a very busy schedule of driving directly home after their clan meeting and taking the belt to their children’s face to force them to follow the same path when they grow older. These same people would never think of having an abortion to stop the madness either but rather kick the Mrs. in the gut because she didn’t go buy beer before leaving to the hospital to deliver their newest branch to a family tree that should have been in the path of a clear-cut. Even worse, some of them were the women who got kicked in the gut then stood up and apologized for falling down on her way out to drive herself to the delivery room.
Either way these people are fucking numb in the head. They’ve burnt more brain cells on one simple math problem then I have in a life time of seizures. They waltz into the club while a comedian is on stage and have to ask the bartender, “Oh, is this comedy night?” Which by the way isn’t the first comedy night ever. It’s been going on for at least a year. Pete Young, my feature act for the evening and one of the only features I like to request on a regular basis and one of the funniest new up and coming comedians in the northwest was the one who got beat down with their brainless slurs. All of a sudden it’s a tractor pull and not a comedy show. I wish I had a tractor. I would have tied it to their jaws and yanked them all out and dumped them off in the landfill slash mobile park where they reside. All I’m saying is if a show is in progress SHUT YOUR WHOLE! If you have to, lodge a beer bottle down you wind pipe, it’s what you’re all use to anyway.
Now don’t get me wrong not everyone was bad and not everyone in Clarcksson is like this, hell maybe I judge too harshly, it could have been just this family. When I got up on stage I fell, which was the first time ever in thirteen years of comedy. I think it stunned them all into a moment of silence because they all were quite during my show. But I had to pop out my knee to do it. Pete, you were let off easy.
Afterwards some of the people in the crowd invited us back to their home. We had a cool little after hour party. It was good times and I’m glad to have met you all. I loved the crowd the first time I played in Clarkston. I loved some of them the second time. The ones that were respectful of the show. I hope when I go back we don’t repeat the bad shit that went down. You’ll enjoy the show a lot more if you listen to the setup to the joke. I’ve never met anyone who went to see a movie, talked all the way through it and then yelled at the screen afterwards, “You’re movie sucked! It didn’t even make sense.” So don’t do it during comedy either.
It’s probably been a year or so since I had been back to Wall Walla and people who are on my newsletter list showed up just to see my show. Thanks for coming. Only one guy in the front row was bent on not enjoying the show. He would not crack a smile if his life depended on it. I don’t know why these people want to live life like this but so be it. He’ll die young and I’ll crack a smile when he does. All went well and we partied afterwards. I can’t wait to do it again. Okay, I’m lying but still, it’s not so bad when I have to go and do it.
Sometimes small towns are great because the people are real and it’s hard working America at it’s finest. And everyone needs a laugh.