lb

Apr 232014
 

NoRisk_poster_4_26This Sat is an important performance for me. Last summer I sat down in my back yard with my good friend and amazingly talented comedian Chris Smith and had a conversation about the industry. Through this conversation we developed a tour concept based purely on the idea comedy isn’t sold as an art form, comedians are products.

Unknown comedians like ourselves who aren’t household names never get to perform our full shows in the top comedy clubs in America or in big theaters because people buy tickets to see comedians they have heard of. They don’t want to pay for something that may or may not be funny.

There are lots of talented comedians and Chris and me are no different. For the first time we are launching a tour that is guaranteeing audiences will be entertained by this show or we will refund 100% of an audience member’s admission price. No strings attached.

It is for real, we are that confident .  We are also filming this first show to develop a commercial demo to use to get dates secured for the summer. I  need the support of my fans to make the journey up to Ridgefield, WA and be a part of something I know will finally get me the recognition so many have said I deserve. Welcome to the NO RISK COMEDY TOUR debut performance.

SAT APRIL 26th
$15 adv. $20 day of show
Tickets by phone at 360 887-7260
Doors open at 6:15 PM Showtime 7:00 PM showtime.

Old Liberty Theater: 115 N Main Ridgefield, WA

 

The No Risk Comedy Tour

 NEWS  Comments Off
Apr 092014
 

Please watch this. It’s only 4 min of your life but what has been a life long journey for me. Then share this with everyone you know that spent their life chasing something because they loved it.

Follow us at: https://www.facebook.com/NoRiskComedy and @NoRiskComedy

The Debute first show:
Sat April 26th at The Old Liberty Theater in Ridgefield, WA.
Doors open at 6:15 PM Show starts at 7:00 PM
$15 advance and $20 at the door
PURCHASE ADVANCE TICKETS AT 360-887-7260
115 N. MAIN • RIDGEFIELD, WA

Mar 172014
 

If you are listening to episode 70 because you want to laugh historically all the through it, you might want to skip this one. Is it funny in parts, yes. It is my nature to see the funny side of life. It is also in my nature to be very serious at times, analyzing everything happening to me. Anyone who knows me, understands this to be true. I am a passionate and sometimes deeply emotional man. I where them on my sleeve, but it is what keeps me connected to these experience which eventually end up on stage. If you truly want to witness my process in the raw, this is the episode for you. If not, load up a different podcast until I’m not in this introspective mood.

 

 

In this episode: Ep 70: Introspective moods.

  • The Walkabout update
  • STOP! This is a slow zone.
  • Getting filthy dirty in the moment
  • Comedy is what I do

As always share my podcast with friends, lovers and enemies

Lonald

Feb 282014
 

After a very long hiatus, From The Nook has returned. I’ll be completely honest when I say, things finally became so bad, I just wasn’t in a space to be creative. I know a lot of regular listeners were disappointing I dropped the project. I’m sure it hurt my listening base,at least it looks like that by the stats. I promise I will rebuild it with your help. Share this episode with everyone because as bad as it has been over the last six to eight months, this episode will go down as my favorite to date.

In this episode: Ep 69: Lonnie's Walkabouy

  • Its episode 69 NOT episode 69
  • Wake up, you need to wake up
  • What is your problem?
  • Going on a Walk about

As always share my podcast with friends, lovers and enemies

Lonald

Dec 182013
 

I am freaking out even horses, I make babies cry and for whatever reason I cannot stop bawling over everything. I am unraveling at the seams. What the hell is wrong with me?

In this episode: Ep68: Get it together

  • Here’s a tissue baby
  • Hey, What the hell is wrong with you
  • What I want for Christmas is a therapy horse.

As always share my podcast with friends, lovers and enemies

Lonald

Nov 202013
 

After an amazing preliminary week two (where I took top spot for the week) in the Seattle International Comedy Contest. I’ve returned to Seattle, WA to compete with the top 10 from both weeks and again I’m off to a slow start. I took 7th (third from last) in the first performance at the famous Seattle Comedy Underground.

Here is the interesting part.  I drew the basic same position in the lineup as I did last week. In the first round and on the first night, I went up 9th. This was right after the secret piss break intermission for the judges. In last night’s show I drew 6th but we only have ten comedians now. I was again going up right after the piss break for the judges. Not that it matters and I don’t feel it was why I placed in the position where I did.  I don’t think it had anything to do with in fact. Coincidentally, I also placed in the same spot as last week’s first show. In my first round, I took 13th, three from the last spot. As long as I have time to break down the coincidences; I tripped going up on stage last week which became a bit of a scene. I safely made it to the stage last night but after my show I had an incident with a woman who followed me back to our private green room, and it is this particular incident I wish to discuss in today’s post.

The woman who followed me back, she tried to find the right words and with watery eyes. Now I’m thinking maybe she was about to tell me I was an inspiration. This was not the case. She explained she works with children who have special needs—ah fuck! Here we go. I was informed that because she works with special needs children, she felt passionate about advocating for them.  To make it easier on me, for the rest of this blog entry, I’ll refer to this woman as, “God’s special helper.” Anyway, G.S.H tells me she enjoyed the bulk of my material but she felt obligated to let me know we don’t use the word retard any longer and I should remove it from act forever. Mind you, this was in the green room with four other comedians sitting in the back with me and watching this slow moving train wreck heading right towards me.

You may be asking yourselves right now, how I would react to such an awkward confrontation? Well I calmly let her speak. I did not interrupt, and in fact as she complained to me about how this is a word which has been abolished from the English language, I took a sip of my beer.

After what seemed like five long and painful minutes. After paying her respect by listening to her struggle for the right words just to explain her position and her disdain for the word used in my act, it was my time to speak.

Calmly I explained, I understood why she might be offended and I respected her for making such a difficult career choice but that I have a right to dictate how I tell my story because I am disabled and I am the one who lives with my challenges. I continued to argue my position.  “While you may be upset, you also do not have a right to speak on any of your client’s behalf  because you are not disabled.” I told her, she simply couldn’t tell me what offended them and only they had the right to speak with me about it. “You have the right to be offended but NOT offended for them.”

GSH then got more worked up. “I have been working as a care taker for 40 years and I do have a right to be upset for them.”

My rebuttal, “I am actually disabled and have been for 42 years of my life. I do not get paid for my struggles in life and neither do any of your patients. They live it, I live it. It is offensive to me you would speak on their behalf and then try to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say and we are obviously not going to agree on this issue. So if you feel this passionate, you could complain to management.”

The moment ended with agreeing with this option and then she left.  The comedians seemed stunned and I just kept thinking, I hope she isn’t a judge.

Here what bothers me: It is inevitability ALWAYS someone who works with the disabled or a family member of the disabled that get offended. It is ALWAYS something they must declare too. It isn’t the work of the lord if you have to tell us what you do. Sacrificing comes without bragging rights.   So you clean their asses,  and feed them. Now all of a sudden you think you should speak for them and think for them. THEY’RE NOT FUCKING RETARDS! Isn’t this your argument?

These labels are NOT abolished from our language. Neither is nigger or fagot. So as long as I am alive and have an opportunity to tell my side of the story, I’ll remind you all that you were the ones that first came up with these words. In fact, it was the medical industry who started using this offensive term. I didn’t come up with the word retard, I didn’t come up with the word crippled but I sure in the fuck have a right to use them to make my point. Did you know lady, when I was a child and being helped by one of your colleague GSH’s, it was at a hospital called, “Crippled Children’s Hospital”? Yes. It was on the top of the fucking building in big brass lettering.

People just can’t wrap their mind around the fact that just 33 years ago, the medical community was extremely misinformed about the disabled. They were frightfully ignorant and these were dark times. My parents were told I would always be sickly and I might die. I was put in a hospital bed as a small 5 year old child in lightless hallway. I was left alone, covered in wires and strobes and left to cry and scream at the top of my fucking lungs while they observed me behind a glass window to see if stress would induce seizures. That’s RETARDED!  And to this day, I vividly remember the mid-evil practice.

Oh, and the bit I do, I mention “retard strength” in an argument with a bully. Why, because that is how children actually talk.

I think the most disgusting fact in this entire ordeal I went through is that she had to point out how offended she was with the word retard but completely ignored at one point in my last bit,  I also used the word “Fagot”. I guess the word fagot is fine though because fagots aren’t, “One of God’s specially chosen children.”  Just in case you are still confused, I was often described as “special”. If we are going to discuss offensive and derogatory terms, I’ll start with that word and will continue using the words crippled and retard until all you retards are dead.

LB

Nov 172013
 

Seattle has it all. Huge Hills, cobblestone alleys with famous gum walls, dangerous phone thieves and all I have to worry about is placing in the Seattle International Comedy Contest.  Welcome to my world.

In this episode: 

  • A broken Shoestring will give anyone perspective.
  • I thought the hills were tough, but try losing a battle with a garage door
  • A steep cobblestone alley next to a gum wall, someone should start filming
  • Perspective on the industry, comedy competitions, and a crushing blow to my critics

 

As always share my podcast with friends, enemies, and please help donate to my habits.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=SSF42VCACA62J

Lonald

Ep66: Sex Drive

 FTN Podcast  Comments Off
Nov 052013
 

From The Nook Podcast

The power of sex is real. It fixes everything gloriously bad in life. Hell, it even cures a hangover, even if only for a brief moment.

In this episode: ep66: Sex Drive

  • Date night with Rufus: Hallelujah, a dying man and wet envelope to save the day.
  • After further review, Japanese men might have the answer to a Utopian existence.
  • This could change politics forever. That cute purl truly has power.

 

As always share my podcast with friends, enemies, and please help donate to my habits.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=SSF42VCACA62J

Lonald