In order to get the full spectrum of what I am about to discuss, you should read an earlier rant that was originally posted back in 2001 and then reposted again in 2007.
The Old Journals: Goodwill or Good for nothing? It will make more sense because I’m about to discuss a recent comment from a guy named Joey who in 2011 at 3:28 in the morning apparently could not resist the urge to say something about a story I wrote 11 years ago.
Here is his comment in its entirety:
“you are a dumbshit, asshole. i work at goodwill and we do not accept recliners in the first place FUCKFACE. I hate goodwill, by the way, but you are still a piece of shit, dickhead. have a great day!”
Now that the back story is in place, let’s get started. Oh, and I apologize for not replying to this comment sooner, Joey, but I have a very busy life and don’t always have time to converse with internet AIDS. Tonight I do.
The first thing you all should know, I have an age old policy in which I never reply or acknowledge Blog Trolls because all it does is fuel their fire. Their points are never to have a discussion but rather to bully users into getting into some interweb battle that never ends. Usually these Vagsquatches attack and belittle young children playing a guitar or singing a song on YouTube just trying to express themselves. These fucks will pipe in with some hateful spit like “You sing like you are gurgling turds, does your mom know you are a closet fag? Stop your singing and die.” But at least this time you went after someone who can hold their own. I’m a comedian with plenty of time at the moment and I thrive on something shitty in life that I can expose. Blog Trolls must be chemically castrated from having the ability to use a computer to give an opinion on anything.
See, it is always their intention to create a scene and they get off on it. It’s a perversion. They probably finger their own dick-hole while doing it. Blog Trolls are like monkeys at the zoo, they’ll flick shit at a glass window just because everyone is watching. These cocks are not rational thinkers at all, they are Sociopaths who get enraged when reading a post from someone or watching a child goofing off in a video and then must spew out their sickness. It is mind boggling to think my rant about Goodwill would upset anyone to the extreme at which he had to call me a FUCKFACE. This does not mean I do not let them have their minute of fame though. If you hate me, I’m fine with the world knowing, I will not delete your original comment and opinions, but I NEVER respond.
So why this time? Well, because there is a bigger issue which I feel needs addressing. In order to break this rule of mine though, I must have some guidelines in place. They are as follows:
Joey, sorry but you will not get a chance to respond because it is my blog, my rules, and I get the last word. Also to make sure I don’t get lured into your van of Faggotry, I will not even read any further comments from you. I will delete them as fast as they show up and pretend as though you read this response and thought, Lonald is right, and it’s time for me to shut my cancer-hole.
First of all, Joey, you should know I don’t lie. I am honest to a fault. I don’t write these things because I think it’s a funny shtick. I write them because my stories are a part of my life and I know them to be funny enough to share them with others. I am only a comedian because the incidents in my life are blatant gem-turds too hilarious not to point out. It is a healing process for me and my audience. I can’t help but laugh at my life-bloopers and the audiences can’t help but laugh knowing my life is somehow shittier then theirs.
I’ve admitted to sucking my own dick, fingering my ass, plugging it with a plastic thumb vibrator, jacking off in Wyoming, and trying to fuck a bag lady. WHAT makes you think that after years of painting myself as a broken deviant, I would bullshit my way through a cunty experience at Goodwill? The answer is, I wouldn’t. It happened, I brought a recliner to Goodwill and they would not take it because of a small rip in the fabric. It really is just that simple.
However, for the sake of the argument let’s say Goodwill has a policy in which they don’t take recliners. In 2011 this may have been the case, but in 2001 when I wrote the piece Goodwill had a different mission. It wasn’t the pretend strip mall shopping center for hipsters to go to buy an $8.00 Wrigley’s Big League Chew bubble gum shirt for their Halloween costume.
It was a place where moms took their unpopular poor children shopping for old clothes. These were the kids that walked down the halls of 6th grade smelling like dried excrement and didn’t know how to wipe three day old crusted snot off their faces. They hired entire retarded families and made them work in front on the tills to be displayed to us all. Goodwill was the destination for short buses.
Now if a “special” is hired, they keep them in the back stacking boxes and old lady wigs for Trichotillomania patients. Goodwill hiring requirements are vastly different today. You know how I know? They hire people like you now, Joey… Back in 2001 they didn’t have employees who could access a computer and that’s because they were too busy chewing off the fingers which allowed them to type.
Do you know what makes you a turdstool, Joey? It wasn’t that you called me a FUCKFACE. I’ve been called worse by plenty of people who know me well enough to have reasons to do so. No, It’s because rather than going after me for an entire paragraph written on belittling Down syndrome patients (which would have been a very strong argument for calling me a FUCKFACE.) You chose to shit out a baby because of Goodwill’s “No-recliner-policy”. That makes you a dink-bag for a human. Oh and while we are at it, if Goodwill’s new policy is NOT to except recliners of any kind, this still makes the company a fucking dupe. It makes no sense that they’ll take some old crusty bloodfucked stained bed and someone’s soiled underwear but bring `em a chair and they start calling you a creepy pervert for even thinking of the idea.
You are an unfortunate troll Joey, stop using the computer to grab onto blog entries like mine or shit on the face of a kid because he/she can’t hit the right chord in the guitar solo they just learned. Go outside, enjoy the day, and get some color on your pasty flaked skin.