A servay is a great way to learn about me

I'm a drunk photo

I'm a drunk photo

My first and only one I’ll ever do.

Would you shave your head if a family member asked you to because they had cancer?
I’d shave my head to make fun of a family member who had cancer.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
I wouldn’t worry to much, i fall a lot, so it’s not like it would go to term.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
Not yet, but when i get to heaven I’m going to ask him to.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
If by feelings you mean body parts than yes

Are you wasting your time on someone?
I’m wasting my time on this and so are you. It’s just like a relationship, you know it’s going no where but continue anyway..

Explain the last time you threw up:
When i had to to cut the body up. i just don’t have a stomach for it.

Last thing that made you cry:
The last time I made love, and that really bothered her, so now we aren’t together anymore.

Do you have a bad temper?
WHAT THE FUCK! Why don’t you mind your own fucking buisiness. This survey is a cunt wrap.

Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
Not if i don’t get the divorce

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
Am i counting the family member I made fun of for having cancer?

How often do you think about suicide?
during this survey… every question so far.

What is your deepest fear?
for this not to ever end

Do you REALLY love all your family?
The ones that are dead seem to be surprisingly supportive.

What do you want to believe in?
That the way a fuck session starts out in Porn were real. Then being a plumber wouldn’t be a shameful job. it would also explain why they have the ass crack.

Do you have a secret crush on someone?
there is this man I have to suck off for money, and he seems pretty kind, he doesn’t even blow the load in my face because he knows i’m not gay and just hard up for cash.

Are you proud of who you are?
I was until I had to suck that guy off for money.

Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms?
What’s better is that I yell out I’m alone in crowded rooms and surprisingly people leave.

What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven?
I forgive nothing. I’m holding it all in until I burst. Then I plan dressing up as an easter bunny and going on a family killing spree. Id dress up like Santa but apparently that’s already been done.

You’re dying in 10 seconds, what are your last words to your best friend?
Sorry i ruined Easter.

…to your worst enemy?
Did you know it was me in the bunny suit.
i bet the limp and cane gave it away

or Hey, I have Aids and I spit in your last drink.

Do you care if people hate you?
it bothers me more when they like me.

Freedom or safety?
I’ll let you know when i get a chance to do both.

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
No really the gun is real.

Has a song ever made you cry?
Only songs about onions

A book ever made you cry?
reading does

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
Only a myspace survey would ask such a stupid fucking question.

Name on moment where you couldn’t control your rage:
This moment.

Name one moment where you sincerely wanted to just die:
When mom locked me in a box for not feeding the hamster.

For the last one, just say anything you want, anything at all:
I have the urge to write a thousand more questions

The old Journals-A light read on my opinion of Comcast

Comcast; A company that is run by the swarming of Satan's parasitic jizz. I picture the headquarters of Comcast to be an 80 story long milky white transparent sausage skin with billions of little movements within, pulsating and stretching the skin out at the seams; Until it bursts open with a black cloud of clattering shelled half beetle, half roach insects scattering across the ground like spilled marbles and followed by a warm putrid breeze of fresh death, both pouring into every house and business until not one building is left without cable.

The Year 2009

Okay folks. Look If I don’t put it out there than I guess the universe and the world just will never know I want it.

So here it goes:

I want to have my year filled up with bookings and rise to the top of comedy to be a known and loved by all. I would like all my fans to tell everyone they know about me, sending them to my myspace and website so new people will get a chance to see my stuff. I want everyone to join my mailing list and for bookers and club owners to no longer be afraid of the inevitable.

I would like everyone to donate a buck to me knowing full well that 100% of it will be spent by me for no other reason than to have a blast.

I want to have made my first $150 thousand dollars and sending me buck will certainly help the cause.

I want a new car. The Nissan Z series.

I want to be in my new apartment

I would like it if all of you would place me in your 1 friends spot until after the February 25th show at Harvey’s so I will be seen by thousands more of your friends and so the Harvey’s show will sell out. Clubs need to realize comedy is an art and not meant to be generic, stale and soulless.

I would like to have my own show on HBO or Showtime and maybe even star in soft porn on Cinemax.

I would like to be placed in all the major festivals like Boston, Aspen and Montreal.

I would like my new projects that I am working on to be hugely successful.

I want 2009 to be the year of the Bruhn. And I would like everyone to have the overwhelming need to want to help make all this possible.

I would like Magic Johnson to either admit he was lying or sell his blood to science.

I want to be focused this year, powerful and give performances that people will never forget.

I want 2009 to be a fucking good time.

You can never get things unless you ask. So there. Now you know.

Donate your buck here: