This next entry from the site vault was again a rant on the fascination we have with television. I figured why not keep up with the theme. Keep in mind this was written when NBC’s Friends had come to an end.
Originally Posted May 7, 2004
Thank God for good television and better friends:
Is it me or is the Friends phenomenon proving not that we as a society can fall in love and relate with six fictitious characters after a decade of watching them grow but proving that we as a society can’t commit to our own reality. We have so much time on are hands, and we are so lonely that rather then relate with and fall in love with six REAL people it’s easier to sit at home, grow fat and pretend that these NBC friends are our true buddies. This revelation doesn’t surprise me; we are so fucking gullible our heart gets snagged on the tard on the Goodwill commercial who gets to go on a trip to Hawaii. And when did tards get passes to fly anyway? Doesn’t that affect their eyes or something?
The show to watch last night was ER. On that episode, one of the main characters had a miscarriage because her baby’s umbilical cord was tied in a not. Then she had to go through twenty-four hours of labor just to deliver a dead baby… Now that’s quality entertainment from the peacock right there. If I had $2 million dollars to spend on advertisement I would have spent it on a commercial during that show. In fact I might have spent it on the Goodwill commercial just to show what happens when you live through an experience of getting you umbilical cord tied in a not. You end up retarded and working for a really nice flea so you can save up your minimum wage paycheck and after ten years can fly off to Hawaii. (That is if it’s permitted.)
Well I’m sorry if I am going to offend anyone who is apart of the Friends fan club. You’ll just have to wait in line behind March of Dimes. How dare I talk bad about the show to those who lived the last ten years inside watching the series while shoving anxiety medication down their throat because the thought of holding a real relationship with anyone but Chandler Bing throws them into a head spin. The thought of having a honest connection with another person is just something they can’t wrap their minds around. Well that’s like sneaking into a house of someone who suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder, blind folding them and tying them up, abducting them and driving them to Disneyland. What’s ironic is even the Corky from Goodwill gets out and travels once in awhile.
How these six people related with anyone anyway is beyond me, they always got along for the most part. They didn’t even fuck each other over like real friends do. You can’t tell me that Joey wouldn’t have banged Rachel in the shitter hole as soon as he found out that emotionally fagged up Ross loved her. COME ON, that’s how real buddies show their trust for each other. It’s like marking your territory.
“Oh, you love Rachel, I guess now is the time for me to show all of our friends who really is the alpha male. Hey Rachel… How YOU doing?”
I sat and watched the last episode and I don’t understand why everyone was so sad. Chandler and Monica were only moving to a house for fuck me sake. They probably were moving just outside of New York City, get a hold of yourselves. It’s not like in your pretend world you wouldn’t see each other again. Hey that’s what phones and cars are for. The only one moving out of state was Joey and it’s for his movie career. He’ll either be back in a year because he’s too fucking stupid to get a job as a waiter or he’ll learn how to suck cock like any good actor does to get decent steady work.
Ten years from now, we’ll probably watch an old episode and we will feel just like we did after the first time we saw a rerun of Threes Company…sadly embarrassed and robed because we wasted a decade of our time and $2 million dollars for a thirty second ad during their final episode.
But who are we to judge, we just wasted our time on 767 words and 12 paragraphs on a rant about Friends.
LB