May 262003
 


Originally posted June11th , 2003

Yes, that’s right the saga continues and before I can show you the titty shots that OTHER women were brave enough to do, I have to follow up on the woman who isn’t brave enough. It is my mission to get her titties on my web site. Since my last post I’ve had a few emails come in from people that feel the same way I do about getting her boobs on my site and I’m going to post them for all of you to read. I just want to say that i think it’s bullshit that she hasn’t bared them yet; just showing cleavage without any nipple action is like a fat guy showing off the crack of his ass. Sure, they’re nice but it also looks like a butt. I mean big fucking deal, you show your nipples, it’s not like i’m making you a whore and I’m not asking you to suck my dick or fuck a crippled. They’re JUST nipples for fuck sake and everyone’s doing it. Okay, lets make it even more enticing, you show me a real tit shot, bare and all, two different shots of them completely out “NIPPLES” and all, I’ll get you an unbelievable discount on a vibrator. I have the connections and I know you like a good toy. So what you say to that deal? You can even hold htem so they look nice and pretty. Anyway, like I said I have had emails come in, so like I promised, they are below this picture, so take a look at what people have been saying about your titties…

LB


From the email bag:


email # 1

Hey LONNIE!!

Maybe that girl who won’t show us her goods don’t know she’s beautiful! Maybe you need to bring her to one of your shows Bring that lady on up on stage and let her do it in style! With the applause and admiration she deserves!

Keep em laughin,
Marc

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email # 2

Lonnie:

I don’t know if you want to hear this or not but, fuck it. I’ll tell you anyway. I love titties. I’ve used your website to jerk off to several times. So first of all I have to thank you for providing such a great free service. Free porn and no pop ups, you can’t get better than that. Secondly, about the girl you call a cock tease on your website, I MUST see this woman’s beautiful bounty. Please talk to her, offer her money if you have to. I am willing to put up $20 to get her to show them to us. She shouldn’t deny the world those gorgeous mammaries. It’s a damn shame.

Sincerly,
Steve in Woodburn

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email # 3

Dear Mr. Bruhn,

I’m writing you about the gorgeous, yet very shy petal on your website. I adore her cleavage and would very much like to see the rest of her. I would like to see her do it in a weekly striptease; perhaps a four part series. Every week she lowers her shirt, gives us more and teases us. I will keep checking back for updates. Please let her know she has the love and support of your fans.

Thank you for your time,
Bob O.

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email # 4

Dude, what’s wrong with this chick? Why did you even bother putting up her cleavage shots? Ic an see that shit down at Banna Joes. What is she a banana joe cunt? She one of those types who’ll just give you so much and then not finish the job. I don’t fucking like rape. but i know why it happens.

get that pussy cleave shot off your website lonnie, it’s an embarrissment and an insult to the women who are brave enough to let it all hang out.

take care man.

Curtis

May 252003
 

Posted May 12tth, 2003

The Mail Bag

I’m sure that you may find it hard to believe but I do have people that hate me. No, it’s true. I have people out there that just aren’t on the old Bruhn band wagon. So I thought that I would take some time out and share a little hate mail. However, before I go there, I want to share an email that I received from an old school mate who must of been listening the day I was on the Marconi Show when I was talking about my future child due to arrive in September. She wrote to tell me what would happen if I named my new boy, Tucker. The letter is below and my response. Thanks Amy for taking time to send me a little mail.

Amy’s letter:

lonnie,
i have to enlighten u as to how kids r today. u think tucker fucker is the worst that will come of that name, think again. i drive school bus for special education. i am sure u r thinking awww how sweet, bullshit, these are behavioral kids. not the kind that say fuck you to a teacher, oh no, these r the kind that break windows, beat up teachers, and perform drive bys in the name of good times. a child named tucker would most likely be fucked in the ass by one of these kids and then handed a container of tucks medicated pads. i am thinking a child who grows up being teased for having a name so close to hemmoriodal itch pads does not have a chance in hell of being heterosexuals. lol hahahaha. all of this coming from a woman who named her child liam. and furthermore, THE TOP OF A CARROT IS GREEN GOD DAMMIT LOL
your old friend/schoolmate,
amy.

My response:

Amy,

Well it looks like you weren’t damaged at all by the things those ignorant children said to you as you grew up. No, you seem very well adjusted and I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about letting you drive my children to school on your bus what-so-ever. It seems as though what ever happened to you hasn’t lingered with you in any way. Normal healthy minded people certainly talk about retarded children fucking other kids in the ass and then having the decency to hand them hemmoriodal itch pads to wipe away all blood and DNA evidence. And if my boy came home crying with that story I might consider calling Tucks to see if they want my boy to be their poster child. Hell, if they reenacted that moment in a commercial they would have me for a Tucks life long customer. Oh but wait… I do have point. Your name is Amy, a perfectly normal name, and they still found a reason to make fun of you even if it made no sense at all. So what good does it do in trying to search the planet for the most non-abusive name when having freckles and red hair still drop you in the same fuck trap? It’s like your trying to cheat fate and then fate smiles and says nice try any way. Now here are some freckles, red hair, and while we’re at it lets make your kid the tallest in the class. Yes, that will teach you to try and cheat me. I’ll tell you what, I’d rather name my boy Tucker, and fly under the radar. And if he still gets fucked in the ass, at least it will be by a kid his own age and half the wit.

And Carrot Top isn’t funny either. That’s the problem with the kids these days they’re too fucking lazy to come with something really funny!

Your old cripple friend from the forth grade who never got the chance to fly under the radar… I wonder what my mom did to try and cheat fate.
LB

==============================================

Ok, and now for a little hate mail. I have a message board, the name of the message board pretty much says it all. It’s called, ” Community of Morons. “ The guy who came to this board I don’t think had ever been to my site before and I don’t think he went this time to check it out so he really had no idea where I was coming from. He just thought, here is a message board for people who hate. How great is that? On the very first thread I wanted to light a fuse to get people interested in posting, so I called it
“Why does God hate Fags? “
Well, I’m thinking he’s a fag because he was pissed off! A raging homosexual is a lot like a hornet trying to get out of a jar, and a lot of fun to watch when you can safely do it without getting stung. Here is his messages:

The first post made—

God doesn’t ‘hate’ darling.
Only sad bigots like you do you sad trailor trash skank.
Go educate yourself-then get back to what u were doing-sucking ur daddie’s saggy cock!!! mmmmmm bet u swallow u cunt!

The second post—

How would u know u skanky ho!!!

The third post and final post—

God Loves everyone ok.
The word ‘fag’ is derogatory-(for you trailor trash jerry springer guests-that word requires a DICTIONARY). I think its so sad you waste your time on HATE-it gets you no where, just makes you look older-THATS RIGHT!!! Now…either go shoot your families right now and shoot yourselves…OR go get an education and learn to stop stereotyping and pigoen-holeing and grow the fuck up!

okaay, my turn to reply

He really HATES me, doesn’t he? He’s right though, hate is very negative, but sadly people who hate are more often then not, extremely brilliant. History has proved it. Case and point, Hitler, Napoleon, Mussolini, Saddam Hussein and George Bush… Okay maybe the last example wasn’t great but you get the point anyway. These people wrote the book on hate and in no way were they ignorant. I will tell you what is ignorant though; reading a message board full of what you think are people who hate fags and thinking you’d be able to change there mind. What, do you think three messages would change years of fag bashing. Look if it were really a hate board for people who weren’t fond of fags then you would have done nothing to prove your point. We’d all be sitting around going, “See, those God damn home-I-sexual are out doing it again and fucking up our fag hating board.”

I would also like to mention that it’s a tad bit ignorant of you to not check out my entire site before coming to your negative conclusion. Had you done that, you would have realized what it was all about. But nooooooo, you just went ahead and judged me without understanding me or my feelings. Hmm, I think someone needs a hug.

And for fuck sake, how does hate make you older? What the fuck are you talking about there? What you are essentially doing here is encouraging adolescent teens to hate. You are sending a clear message, the more you hate, the older you’ll look and you know what that means, we will not be carded for beer on the next fag bashing party. And you can’t go to a fag bashing party without beer, we wouldn’t have enough balls to beat a person senseless without getting drunk first. Plus, what would we have to throw at their heads when we were done.

Also I should point out, I was never talking about God hating homosexuals; God hates cigarettes. It’s a European thing. I was NEVER and in no way ever talking about those cock sucking, child molesting, shit hole pounding, flag waving, parade marching, look I’m out of the closet to spread Aids across the world, GOD HATING FAGS! But with your attitude, it’s no wonder people dislike you. I’m not really in with God anymore but I’m willing to bet he’s at least disappointed. Fuck, if you’re going to suck cock, grow a little skin, toughen up and drop the vagina, you whiny little bitch! When you are going against the grain of society, whether it be your choice or something you were born with you will get a little opposition, people will make fun of you, people will hate and sister, those dark edges of life will never change.

I know that some of you will read this and never get the message I’m trying to point out. Some will be saying, Oh my God, Lonnie is homophobic. Which is not at all what I’m getting at. I could care less if you suck cock, cunt, ass, suck shit through a straw, or fuck a puppy mouth. If you are what you are, by choice or not by choice, like for example, having Cerebral Palsy, you should be ready to hear the worst. Words are just that… words. You can’t one minute say, look at me, I’m gay! Then go, what did you just say, you think homos are God’s mistake? lf I limp down stairs, people look not because they hate me, not because they are ignorant but because I was limping down fucking stairs and it was just a tad bit noticeable. The entire message thread was meant to get a response because powerful words like God, hate, and Fag will pull people in. Don’t march proudly for your choice of life and then preach about the choice of someone else’s even if is fucked. However, truthfully I could give a fuck if people think I’m gay bashing, it was never my point and if you got lost in the middle because of the words I was choosing to use, then you’ve proved the point I was trying to get across. Words will pull on you like puppet strings. Hook-line- and sinker.

May 072003
 

Originally Posted May 7tth

It’s nice to know that after spending the day in studio with the #1 afternoon radio show in Portland that two nights later I can do a guest spot in another bar uptown and come crashing back to reality. “Oh yeah, I get it now, I’m not yet at the top of my game.”

Here’s how it worked. Last night I went and did a favor for a friend by doing a guest set for his game show. What a fucking train wreck it was. Musty is a good friend who runs a regular open mic. He has a new game show that he is promoting, entitled ” You’re not so stupid!” Which they chanted every five minutes to remind me how stupid I was. It was freaky too like a cult! I’ll give him this, it was his first trial show so I understand that he’ll be fixing up the problems that occurred during the show but for fuck sake, I’ll be damned if I don’t talk about it. I had to sit through this knuckle dick show.

Musty read questions from a book. A lady named “Cherry” or as I would like to prefer to her as a dump truck with legs and with not just a chip on her shoulder but carrying a load of them gave the contestants toys that were purchased at the Goodwill outlet store as proof of points. (Yes, you did hear me correctly, I said outlet store.) Now if you get a question wrong, you get your toy taken away, as if your pride wasn’t enough? The idea is to get five chiclet toys to move on to the next round which makes taking them away so painful because these people were drunk and not too bright. Cut to an hour and half later, the first round was finished. At this point I was so fucking angry with God for keeping me alive, and I’ve been through a lot in my life mind you; after all, I’m crippled. It was so bad that the public access guy, who was filming, shut off his camera and left. Sure, his excuse was the lighting was all wrong but come on, we know this means I’d rather be filming a sermon from a cross dressing nun.

Then it’s time for comedy…. Yeah!

The fist comedian goes up and attempts to entertain the room. He did alright considering what he was working with but I’m sure that even a comedian performing at a funeral will get at least one chuckle. He made them laugh. Hell, Josh made me laugh, and fuck knows I needed it!

The second round I will not even attempt to describe because I know that you have better things to do and I wasn’t really in the room at that time. I was in my happy place inside my head. Then after the second round and pissed off like a cranker coming down off their high and no line left to speak of, I’m now supposed to make them laugh again. Oddly enough I didn’t do so well in conquering my mission, I don’t why that is.

I’ll admit that everyone seemed to be having a good old drunken time which means I’m sure that he’ll be doing it again, and I wish him the best of luck. I also should say this is my jaded angle of what went on. I’m sure Musty in his foggy point of view would tell you different.

The other comic there to experience the moment with me, Josh Lay. He asked me if I really felt it was a train wreck, how many people were on the train and how many lived through the wreckage? I’ll give the answer to you as I gave it to him:

3,000 people were on the train, 2,098 died. The two left to survive were under the pile of 2,098 dead and slowly smothered to death. Those two were us. Josh had the great idea of trying to eat his way to the top. After eating his way through the third body, I could hear his distant voice scream out, “Lonnie, come on. I know you could do it, I believe in you.” Those were his last words. I think you choked on a rib, but I’m not sure. I, on the other hand, just cried myself to death.

I will not blame Musty for this; it was my entire fault, I think I must have smoked a crack rock or something. I only know that it isn’t my performance aspect that needs work so much as it is my choice of venues.

“Oh yeah, I get now, I’m not yet at the top of my game.”