The Old Journal Entries: #10-The Southwest Tour:

Originally Posted April 11th, 2003

Six weeks on the road and all I got were these lousy pictures.

I had plenty of bad luck during my six weeks on the road. Like for instance, I dislocated my knee twice, I had to replace a timing belt on the car, and slept in a condo that smelled like rotten cunt but I did bring a shit load of photos back with me that would have been up on the site by now but I had an extremely difficult time getting them uploaded to my computer. I mean how difficult does it need to be. What seemed like an easy task turned out to be more difficult then trying to convince my wife that I could fit my fist all the way into her hole. (by the way, I was wrong and we didn’t speak for a week.) Finally I can say all the pics are here. I don’t plan on talking about each photo because I have too many to chat about each one but the important ones shall have captions worth reading. Even through all my bad luck, I had a blast because being on the road is better then not making people laugh. Real quick I want to give thanks to all the cities that I toured too and people worth mentioning.

Russ, from Laffs in Albuquerque, NM, You’re a real ball buster of an owner but you shoot from the hips and I truly respect that. I consider you a friend. Your staff kicks ass too. Scott from Laffs in Tucson, you and Dingo are crazy but you always treat me well during my stay. The Velveeta room in Austin, you were all so fucking cool to me for my first time in. Austin has one of the best night scenes in the country. Sean, in Scottsdale, AZ. God damn your a nut but I love your club The Comedy Spot & staff. You let me do what I want and that’s so important to me. Ground Zero in Medford OR. You always have easy whores and a nice staff. Everyone at The Underground in Tacoma, thanks for putting up with me.
LB

Somewhere in Arizona

The Velveeta room in Austin, TX

Okay the story behind this one is that this was some blues bar in Austin, TX on 6th street famous for it’s night life. Take notice of the men’s bathroom sign. It plays a roll in the following pictures.

To both mine and my brother’s surprise when we walked out that door we walked right the fuck outside and this was our bathroom. We laughed our asses off. You just don’t think when you step into a bathroom you’ll be stepping outside instead.

This is me pissing.

This shot was taken on sixth street.

My brother thought he was getting me in this shot well Mr. elf boy welcome to the internet. God Damn he’s lit isn’t he? (still on 6th street)

I just like this sign.

Yes, I know I look retarded.

Kristine before her pooper went out. (Comedy Spot in Scottsdale, AZ)

I can’t tell you where I was in the picture nor anything about this shot. It’s clear that I probably should have not drank as much as I had. Wow! I am fucked up!

Medford, OR. My good friend Josh doing comedy but to tell you the truth, he looks more like he’s fucking bowling.

The guy on the right is one of my biggest fans and truly a fucking cool guy. He drove all the way from Tucson to Scottsdale to catch my show which is a two hour trip. His friend came along too. Never met his friend before but I’m sure we’ll see each other again. Thanks guys for driving out of your way to catch my show.

The Old Journal Entries: #9-Kristine’s Broken Pooper

Originally Posted April 10th, 2003

What some will do for attention:

Some of you may know Kristine from her own section on my site entitled, “Confessions From A Porn Clerk.” Others may be friends or just know that she is one of my closest friends in the business or otherwise. She is one dirty birdie if I’ve ever met one and for this reason I try to put her on my bill whenever can, being that I have an X rated show, she just seems to fit in. Well fuck if I ever do that again. I placed her on a bill while I was in Phoenix, and what did I get? I get a girl with a broken pooper, that’s what I get.

We were all set to head off to L. A. when she had to ruin our fun. She started complaining of pains. “My stomach is cramping really bad, please help me, I think I’m dyeing.” Blah-Blah-Blah. God damn you complaining little whore. I’m crippled for fuck sake, get over yourself, you selfish bitch!

But After taking her in to the hospital we came to realize that it was a serious matter and that she wasn’t going to be going anywhere for the next two weeks. She has a disease called, Diverticulitis and she was hospitalized in a great hospital in Scottsdale, AZ. By the way, Diverticulitis is a fancy way of saying, rottengutinitis or in laymen’s terms, she has a broken pooper.

No body can say I don’t care, I stayed with for three days in the hospital before I had no choice to move on with rest of the tour though her husband flew in to take over. The thing is because we are all disturbed we started taking a lot pf pictures at the hospital so we could post them for you. See we even think of you when were down. The pictures are below. The best news of all is that we’ll be adding more after the operation. She’s having part of her pooper cut out. She may even need a crap sack when it’s all finished. That lucky bitch! I’ll keep you informed on the news but until then here are a few shots.

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This here puts any smack lover to shame. You should see all of her bruises. I’m telling you bruises make a woman look so precious.



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Apparently, while I was sleeping on the job When Kristine took this shot. It’s obvious now she wasn’t in too much pain to hold a fucking camera.

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This was one of the nurses that worked with Kristine, all the them were great with her. This one use to play pool professionally, now she feeds Morphine to the addicted few.

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This picture is a favorite amongst us all. Her husband took it while she was taking a bath. She looks so pathetic. Like a little wet mouse.

More pictures will be added after her operation

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Originally Posted April 10th

Tits hot off the press:

This fist shot was taken a long time ago but between being on the road for 6 weeks and waiting for the right moment to place them up on the site was the only reasons why it hasn’t been added to the collection yet. With that said, I give them the top spot in this major update.

These mature breast were picked at the ripest of moments to get the perfect size and shape. Both women I know and were kind enough to share these taters with all of you. One pair has already been on the site dressed up all pretty like but captured behind titty garments while their master showed off her cowgirls in her ye-haw hat. Now I can finally say they’ve been liberated. If she drops me a few more pics I might have to make her her own gallery.

Her friend is new to the site, but I’ll do what I can to get a few more of her on here too. There is no reason in all of hell to keep them hidden from the titty deprived.

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It apperes Little Miss Cowgirl likes to have her photograph taken because I keep getting my hands on more. It looks like I’m getting a box of eye candy in this next shot. Oh I should also mention she’s not just sexy as all get out but pretty fucking cool too.

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This picture was sent to me by a good friend from the business, Musty. He says he wants to be credited for the pic and wanted me to post his name. However, with a name like Musty, can you really be taking credit? This is his neighbor, who instead of asking to borrow sugar decided to share some of her own. I also said that if I got permission from her I would post the real pic so here it is. Thanks again for sharing the tatters.

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Near the end of my long tour I made a stop off in Medford, OR to do a show. Now the thing is that the meat market that I performed at always has at least a few whores that want to show off in front of my digital camera and this night was no exception to the rule. The girl on the left was a serious cock tease and truthfully when it comes down to it, I think she was a cunt with a capital cunt. It’s so sad that she was so fucking hot and look at those breasts. God damn, those are near perfect. The girl on the right, well she was just a friendly stand in with cunt lady. She was very nice though and had my favorite nipples. It’s just shitty that her left tit looks like it’s been dragging around a sack of bricks. It’s just me talking here and I’m no expert but she should hold onto her baby while it’s feeding rather then just letting it hang on by its teeth. Maybe then her right tit wouldn’t be a foot longer.

Photograph taken by Keith Wallen