Originally posted August 23, 2002
Believe it or not, my wife and I received gifts for our anniversary and well we should have. We deserve something for lasting a year longer then anyone expected. I personally think we should have received the winnings in the betting pool from all the poor schmucks that bet on the odds. Hey, where is our fucking money?
I’m not one to ever complain about gifts though, and I certainly am not complaining about this gift. I actually loved it because my mother-in-law has a great sense of humor and it is not just one sided either. You know the type, those people that can’t take a joke as much they can give one. She knows how much my wife and I hate DR. Laura Schlessinger but she thought it would be funny to give us a book from good old DR. Laura and autographed mind you. “Ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationship” It just goes to show you how much this whore knows about relationships because I think that we’ve broken all ten rules and we’re still together. Again I ask: where is our fucking money?
I really do hate this woman though. A really good gift would have been if my mother-in-law would have brought her children to my house so I could have poked their yoke with a hanger in a very (but never to late) abortion. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’ll be a good read. I love to read comedy. I want to see how thick she preaches her double standards. She should have an eleventh rule in her book: Don’t pose nude for the camera if you don’t want the pictures on the internet.
I think I’m going to write my own book about Dr. Laura, sign it and give it to my mother-in-law for Christmas. I’ll call it “Ten reasons why I would like to skull fuck Dr. Laura Schlessinger.”
Here are ten reasons why I think the title would be a success.
10: I’ve always wanted to skull fuck someone so why not start with Dr. Laura
9: It would make a great title for a book
8: It would also make a great cover for a book
7: I can think of plenty of women we’d have to wait in line to skull fuck, but she’s not one of them.
6: I know that it would be breaking the sixth rule in her book
5: It would make for a great reality T.V. Show
4: I’m pretty sure that I would receive a trophy or a metal.
3: It is the only viable spot to fuck her because she was born with a cock and huge nut sack
2: At least one of the holes in her skull will stop that fucking voice from spewing outward.
1: Because she is her kid’s mom